Stop Looking for Them in Everyone

On comparison, grief, grace, and learning to see people for who they are.

“Those who were able to achieve it, do they have double heads?” That line. You’ve probably heard it too. From a parent, teacher, lecturer or someone else entirely. But someway, somehow, we’ve all heard it.

Some people even go as far as expecting you to be someone you’re not. “She was this type of person, and I expect you to behave like that as well.”

Lol. I hate it. I hate comparison.

If there’s one thing that gets under my skin, it’s being compared to someone else. Like why?? Yes, I get that sometimes, it’s meant to push you and to inspire you. But not this way, please. Not through guilt, not through pressure and certainly not through erasing who I am in favor of someone else’s image.

Comparison in its many forms, does a thing to people - it messes with one’s mental health, causing self-doubt, low self-esteem, and even depression.

What amuses me is that sometimes, it’s not other people comparing us - it’s us comparing ourselves. If you did your best, gave it your all, and firmly believe in your ability to achieve greater things, and be a better person, then instead of looking at how “flawless” and “amazing” someone else’s life looks, you should give yourself some grace.

They have their lives to live, and you have yours.

So why not work on you? And even if they do have it easy, be happy for them… then get back on your own feet. You’re not late. It’s all just part of the process.

To those of you who have formed the habit of constantly comparing one person to next: stop it. Everyone has their own forms. Everyone blooms differently. The sooner you start seeing people for who they really are, not who you want them to be, the more peace you’ll find in your relationships.

Here’s a little story:

When I recently lost a friend, a very close one, it was hard for me. I could barely do anything for weeks. And as someone who didn’t have friends back then, it was even harder.

Then this guy showed up.

He was good. Really good. His kindness and care were meant to help me feel better… but they didn’t. In the heat of my emotions, I would always compare him to my late friend. I did it to a lot of people back then. And for someone who has hated comparison all her life, that was such an irony.

He walked up to me one day and said something that stuck with me: “Stop looking for your friend in me or in anyone else. You won’t find him.”

Since then, I’ve tried. And I’ve learned to acknowledge and accept people for who they truly are, not who I miss, or who I wish they were.

Fun fact? We became best friends. Just wow.

Let’s learn to give every individual the grace they deserve. Let’s learn to give ourselves the grace we deserve. Everyone is different. Everyone is unique in their own way. You just have to open your eyes and your heart to see it.

And to those who wish they had it as easy as someone else: live in your own story. They have it easy, yes. That’s good for them. Be happy for them. But don’t ever compare yourself to them. You really don’t know what they’re going through behind the scenes. So stay rooted in your own story, not theirs.

I hope we all learn to see the light and uniqueness in ourselves and in others.

HOPE❤️